Ten years ago, I discovered the beauty of optimism. Desperate to find happiness and healing, I spent hours researching online and reading every self-help book imaginable, and found what worked most for me; positive thinking.
It changed my life tremendously! I discarded any negativity that crept into my life. I became brave and started to love myself again. I fell in love with running, yoga and meditation. I fell in love with children, how they learn, and play and love so fiercely and I did my schooling to become an Educational Assistant. When I graduated I was offered a job as an Indigenous Liaison and was able to fall in love with my culture again too.
In 2012, I married my best friend!!!
( Thank you pinterest! Er, I mean positive thinking! 😉 )
That same year, we experienced our 1st of 3 miscarriages, and that was when I fell painfully in love with the idea of being a mother. It was all I thought of, dreamt of, and prayed for.
And, finally, it happened!
On March 20th, 2015 we were blessed with our precious, angel, Malakai, and soon after came our sweet baby Ellanor on September 18th,2017.
Life is so funny though. I had everything I ever asked for and yet felt the saddest I have felt in a very long time. When I became a mother, I lost myself and let all that negativity creep its way back into my life.
It’s not easy being optimistic, but in my ten years of practice I got pretty good at training my brain! But after I became a Mommy, it was like I forgot how. All that training and reading and research flung out the window with the arrival of baby girl. Maybe it was just a case of the baby blues, but either way I felt horrible. I would just sit and stare at my new gorgeous baby, who I loved so much it hurt, and thought how silly it was that I couldn’t be over the moon happy! I was sad because I was sad, hah, soo not fun! The mom guilt set in HARD and I’m sure the mom’s out there can vouch for me here – that has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world!!!
So, I vowed to TRY. I need my girls to grow up in a peaceful, loving, happy environment. It’s so important to me. I want them to love life to the fullest! And know this is really a beautiful world we live in, even if we have to search to find some good – it is there and it is beautiful, I promise!
I want to be someone they can look up to as an example of that kind of life-loving optimism and so I must get out of this rut! I’ve done it before, I can do it again.
Wish me luck! 🙂