You know when you plan for something like to run a marathon but you’ve only just started walking recently and at first you feel jolted with enthusiasm and your motivation is just through the roof, but then you realize you’ve been walking now for a month and find it hard to even think about running at all, you’re so far away from where you want to be, and all of a sudden, that enthusiasm and motivation are replaced with doubt and gloominess.
That’s where I am right now.
I just feel so stuck. I want my life to be a certain way and it just isn’t. Then, I feel guilty for not being grateful for what I have. It’s a vicious cycle. Being a mom changed my life completely. I used to wake up early, meditate, stretch, drink my hot coffee sip by sip, just taking it all in. It was a beautiful routine. Now, I sleep in every chance I can get because I am always tired. I wake up with the girls and flail around like a crazy person changing diapers, making coffee and breakfast, playing, breastfeeding et cetera. I used to do 2 hours of yoga everyday! Now, I can hardly have a 10min shower without a knock on the door. I used to have abs…okay, now I’m gunna cry LOL. Of course, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, I’m just learning to swim in a new pool now and sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. Haha, Finding Dory is on right now so I can write…
Anyway, I just need to accept where I am right now mentally, physically, and emotionally and just go with that. I am super blessed, even if I can’t do a sit up just yet, hah! I will get there again! I am determined. I will start meditating again, just this time it will be holding my 5month old so she doesn’t cry while my 2 year old is poking me in the face. I will downward dog with a toddler on my back and kiss my baby on the forehead on my way into child’s pose. My daughters will not be my excuse, they will be my motivation.
I can still do the things I love it’s just going to be different, and that’s okay. More than okay, actually… it’s kinda perfect ❤