I’ve always had this weird relationship with social media. It’s a love/hate one. I love connecting with family and friends, especially the ones that live far away and I don’t get to see very often. I love to look at pictures and get the low-down on what’s going on with everyone lately. I love all the Mommy’s I follow and women I look to for inspiration in food, fashion, parenting, and fitness. I love reading inspiring quotes and motivational messages. But, it ain’t always rainbows and butterflies in the social media realm. There’s a darkness that looms and it can be very very depressing if you let it get to you too much.
The other day I was having a social media overload day. I scrolled aimlessly through Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, and took Pinterest breaks in between. My mood changed as I looked through countless photos, everyone dressed to perfection, hair did, make up did, goal weight achieved, checking off their bucket lists, having so much fun. And, as if it were written in bold, red letters on the screen of my phone that ugly feeling came back to me: you are not enough.
I was mentally taking notes with every post I looked at:
omg I love her lipstick I really should start doing my make up more… wow, she looks so put together and she has 2 kids -there’s no excuse for me to look like I’ve just fallen outta bed everyday… ugh, I wish I could travel that much… she’s such a good mom doing all those arts & crafts I gotta start doing more arts & crafts with the girls… she has abs after giving birth!? WTF am I doing wrong here???
Not enough, not enough, not enough.
And, the worst part is I let it consume me. I felt my mood change, I knew I should just get off but I couldn’t. I was stuck to the screen and sucked into everyone’s perfect lives pondering how I can change mine. All the while the most beautiful little girl that I helped create danced and played in front of me and I was missing it all. So now my feelings of not enough are mixed with anger and guilt and THAT is what I hate about social media.
I’ve come a long way, though, in finding a balance. In 2016 my New Years Resolution was to go off Facebook for an entire year and I did it! It felt soo good. And, after discovering Brene Brown (LOVE HER!) I realized I use social media as a source for numbing feelings I don’t wanna feel, like a drug I suppose. Usually, social media is a positive thing for me and there’s a lot that I love about it, so when I have those days of continuous scrolling and those “gremlins”, as Brene calls them, creep up, telling me I’m not good enough, I have to ask myself : what am I trying not to feel right now? Then, I write and write and write until I discover what it is I’m trying to numb and to my surprise it is usually quite a bit.
Once I reveal all these emotions to myself, I unfortunately need to deal with them and I’ve found that writing, talking, meditating, and time in nature works best for me! So, that’s what I did after that day of vicious scrolling and it reallllly realllly helped.
Sometimes we just gotta put the phones away and get back to ourselves, to what really matters and just say thank you, thank you, thank you, repeatedly until our hearts fill with gratitude because who we are, what we have, IS good enough ❤
Do any of you struggle with social media this way? What are some of the things you do to help you feel better and find balance?